Episode 12: I Shouldn't Be Bored

Catch this episode on Apple, Spotify, or Android. 

Feeling bored? Whether it’s during a long meeting, another round of pretend play, or a whole season of life that feels a little flat—this episode is for you.

We’re unpacking the belief that “I shouldn’t be bored” and exploring why it feels so hard to just be still. You’ll learn how boredom is often not the problem, but what we make it mean—and how allowing it (instead of fixing it) can actually be one of the most useful emotional skills you can build.

We’ll also talk about why our fast-paced lives make boredom feel like a crisis, and what it really means when you’re craving constant stimulation.

What You'll Learn

• Why we’re conditioned to believe boredom is a problem—and how to spot that conditioning in yourself
• What buffering is, why we do it, and how it sneaks into your day without you realizing it
• How to allow boredom without guilt or urgency, and why that’s an emotional strength
• How to notice the thoughts that add shame and pressure to an otherwise neutral moment
• What to do when you’re craving action or change—but might actually need rest and stillness

Episode Transcript

Let’s talk about a belief that sounds pretty minor on the surface: “I shouldn’t be bored.”

This one shows up a lot. Maybe you’re sitting on the floor playing tiny dinosaurs or babies for what feels like forever and thinking, “I’m so bad at pretend play” and feeling like a bad mom. Or you’re in a meeting at work, zoning out while someone explains something that doesn’t apply to you, and then feeling guilty for not paying attention. Or maybe you’re in a season of life where things are stable—your job is fine, your home life is fine—but you feel this undercurrent of restlessness. Like something’s missing. And then you start wondering if that means you’re ungrateful or doing something wrong.

But maybe nothing is wrong. Maybe you’re just feeling bored. And maybe that doesn’t have to be a problem..

But we’re conditioned to see boredom as a problem. So we try to fix it. We reach for our phones. We get up and clean something. We plan a vacation or a career change in our heads. That urge to “do something” to avoid an uncomfortable feeling is what one of my mentors calls buffering. In the case of boredom, it’s to escape the discomfort of being still, physically or metaphorically.

In this episode, we’re going to look at what happens when we stop making boredom a problem. We’ll talk about why your brain resists it, how different types of boredom show up—from fleeting to existential—and why learning to sit with it might be one of the most useful emotional skills you can practice.

We’ll also talk about the “neutral zone”—that in-between space between life chapters. Boredom might just be part of that quiet middle. And what if you didn’t rush to fill it?

SEGMENT 1: CREATE SELF-AWARENESS

Let’s start with the obvious question: Why do we think boredom is a problem in the first place?

A lot of it comes from how we were raised and what we see modeled in our culture. Most of us grew up in environments where being productive was praised and being idle was criticized. If you weren’t doing something “useful,” you were wasting time. Even now, there’s this pressure to always be optimizing, improving, or staying active. Add in social media—where it looks like everyone else is having a very exciting life—and boredom starts to feel like a personal failure.

So we internalize this message: if I feel bored, I must be doing life wrong.

For me, this belief doesn’t show up as a dramatic thought—it shows up subtly. Like the low-key guilt you feel during a slow afternoon. Or the impulse to open your phone the second a meeting gets quiet. Or the restlessness you feel when everything is technically fine, but your brain still wants more.

This is all totally normal. We’re wired for stimulation. Our brains are built to seek novelty, reward, and progress. That doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you—it means your brain is doing what it’s evolved to do. But when we’re constantly surrounded by noise and movement, the quiet of boredom can feel threatening. We want to make it go away.

But here’s the thing: noticing that moment—pausing when you catch yourself reaching for something to fill the space—that’s the first step to consider a change in order to practice some personal growth. You can ask, “What exactly am I feeling right now?” You might be surprised. And maybe it might not be boredom—it might be fatigue, frustration, loneliness, or even just a desire for more depth.

That awareness matters. It gives you options for different, more intentional actions. You’re not just reacting—you’re observing. And once you start doing that, you get to choose how you want to respond instead of turning to the closest source of dopamine to feel better.

SEGMENT 2: ALLOW YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

So once you’ve noticed the boredom—what now? Most of us try to get rid of it right away. We pick up our phones, start scrolling, check email, eat something, start mentally redoing the living room. All of that is buffering.

And here’s why it makes sense: your brain is trying to protect you. It sees boredom as uncomfortable, and it wants to solve for that. Fast. Again, that’s not a personal flaw. It’s a learned survival strategy. But most of the time, we’re not in survival mode. We’re just in a moment where nothing exciting is happening.

The idea here isn’t to shame yourself for buffering. It’s to notice it—and then try something different. What happens if you just let yourself feel bored? If you notice the restlessness and don’t immediately try to fix it?

Let’s say you’re sitting in a meeting that’s dragging. Instead of opening your laptop to multitask or grabbing your phone under the table, just notice the feeling. Name it: this is boredom. Notice what it feels like in your body—maybe heavy eyes, maybe fidgety hands. Stay with that for a minute. Make friends with it. Get to know yourself.

Or maybe you’re in a season of life that feels like autopilot. Nothing’s wrong, but everything feels a little flat. Your subconscious instinct might be to shake things up—make a big change, chase a new goal, start something. But what if you let yourself be still for a while? What if you allowed the boredom instead of assuming it means you’re stuck or behind? 

I’ve been feeling this myself lately. We’ve moved twice in six months. My kids started at new schools. I launched this podcast. And now, with things finally settling a little, I can feel how much my brain wants to keep the momentum going. I keep reaching for something—more projects, more stimulation, more to figure out. I notice how hard it is to sit still. How unfamiliar rest feels. And when I don’t give myself space to pause, I start feeling scattered, tense, and a little burned out. It’s a reminder that just because I’m craving motion doesn’t mean motion is what I need. So I’m asking myself daily: What would it look like for me to practice being the kind of person who doesn’t rush the next step, even when it’s uncomfortable? Can I sit still long enough to let this version of me breathe a little bit?

One of my coaches taught me that when we allow a feeling without trying to escape it, we build emotional strength. That means not reacting right away. Just naming the feeling, sitting with it briefly, and seeing what happens. So I’m practicing this, and I’m getting a little hit of dopamine from the idea that I’m growing even while sitting still. You can see here that I’m still linking my worthiness with productivity, but I’m ok with that. I’m noticing it, and I’m allowing myself to be right where I am with all of my engrained stories!

SEGMENT 3: ANALYZE YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

Now that we’re acknowledging our humanity with compassion and grace toward ourselves, let’s look at a little deeper at the other thoughts associated with “I’m bored.” These thoughts underneath are usually where the suffering starts.

You might notice thoughts like:

- “I should be more grateful.”

- “Other moms probably don’t feel this way.”

- “If I were doing something more meaningful, I wouldn’t feel this way.”

- “This must mean something’s off.”

None of these thoughts are facts. They’re just things your brain offers up because of its natural negativity bias. And when you believe them without questioning them, they shape how you feel and how you show up.

Let’s take them one at a time.

“I should be more grateful.” This one feels virtuous, but it’s actually just shame in disguise. Gratitude doesn’t cancel out boredom. You can love your life and still feel bored sometimes. You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just a human with a nervous system that isn’t being stimulated at the moment.

How about: “Other moms probably don’t feel this way.” This is a really sneaky one that you might not realize you’re thinking. Comparison is like that. It’s sneaky. But know that maybe they don’t say it out loud, but they do. Trust me. I’ve coached hundreds of moms at this point, and it comes up all of the time. Boredom is part of parenting. It doesn’t mean you’re disconnected from your kids—it just means you’ve read the same book fourteen times and your adult brain is asking for something else.

Let’s look at another hidden belief: “If I were doing something more meaningful, I wouldn’t feel this way.” It’s easy to believe this, especially during seasons that feel repetitive. But no job or role or life path eliminates boredom completely. This thought can trick you into chasing constant change instead of learning how to be present with what is, which opens the door for intentional, proactive action instead of knee-jerk, reactive action. 

And finally, “This must mean something’s off.” Sometimes it does. And sometimes it doesn’t. Boredom might be a cue to check in with yourself—but it doesn’t automatically mean you need to blow up your life. Let’s not let discomfort boss us around. This is why naming individual feelings and getting fluent with your unique emotional experience can be so powerful. You can get laser focused on what your body is telling you, and when you want to act on it or not.

This analyzing part of the Choose Better Thoughts process is about slowing down enough to notice what thoughts are actually creating the weight of your experience. Because often it’s not the boredom that feels heavy—it’s the guilt, shame, or pressure we pile on top of it. When you can start to spot those thoughts and question them—not in a forceful way, just gently—you give yourself a way out and your life starts to feel easier, without you having to change anything about it.

SEGMENT 4: ALIGN TO WHAT YOU WANT

Alright, awesome job so far. So once you’ve noticed the thought, and questioned it just enough to get a little space—now what?

This is the part where you practice choosing something new. Not necessarily a new action. I offer just a new way of thinking about the moment you’re in.

If you’re used to judging boredom as laziness or a red flag, this is your chance to try on a different lens. You can think:

- “There’s nothing wrong with this moment.”

- “Being bored doesn’t mean I’m doing life wrong.”

- “This feeling doesn’t need to be fixed.”

- “It’s okay to be here without rushing to the next thing.”

You’re not trying to go from boredom to joy. You’re just aiming for something more neutral, or more grounded. Something that lets you feel a little more steady while you're in it.

If you’re in a season of life that feels like a plateau, that doesn’t mean it’s meaningless. It might be a sign that your nervous system is regulating. That you’re craving rest, not change. It might be a sign that you’re between chapters—and you don’t need to force the next one before it’s ready.

Especially as working moms, our day-to-day lives often run at full speed. When something finally slows down—a quiet moment, a mundane task, a long meeting—it can feel uncomfortable or even wrong. That discomfort isn’t necessarily a problem. It might be a signal that we’ve adapted to a pace that isn’t sustainable, and what we actually need is more rest—not more stimulation.

There’s power in choosing to stay. To not buffer. To not chase. To sit with your life as it is, just for a moment, and trust that’s enough for now.

That’s what alignment looks like here. Not forcing yourself to feel better. Just telling the truth in a way that feels a little more supportive.

So again, maybe today, pick one of these thoughts and see how it feels to you. Imagine what feelings, actions, and results this new belief might create for you, and decide if you like those results better than the ones you have now:

- “There’s nothing wrong with this moment.”

- “Being bored doesn’t mean I’m doing life wrong.”

- “This feeling doesn’t need to be fixed.”

- “It’s okay to be here without rushing to the next thing.”

SEGMENT 5: TAKE AN INCREMENTAL ACTION STEP

And finally, here’s something simple and more concrete you can try this week: the next time you notice yourself feeling bored—don’t change anything.

Don’t open your phone. Don’t start reorganizing the cabinet. Don’t plan a vacation in your head. Just notice what boredom feels like in your body. Give yourself 90 seconds to stay there. Allow the urge to act to be there without acting. Set a timer if that helps. That’s it.

Your only job in that moment is to name what’s happening and feel it. Not fix it. Not analyze it. Just sit with it, like you would sit with a kid who’s having a hard time.

And if you want to go one step further, ask yourself afterward: what would I usually do to avoid that feeling? What’s the thing I didn’t do this time?

That’s your data. That’s you noticing your default pattern and interrupting it.

You don’t need to make it deep. You don’t need to find meaning in the boredom. You don’t even need to make it go away. You’re just practicing the skill of not reacting. Celebrate that. 

And this skill? It transfers. It’s the same one you’ll use when you feel awkward, or anxious, or out of your depth. This is the foundation. You’re building it now.