Episode 17: The Pressure Triangle

Catch this episode on Apple, Spotify, or Android. 

You can’t prioritize everything at once, and that’s not a failure, it’s life.

In this episode, I share a practical tool for letting go of guilt when life feels stretched too thin. Inspired by a simple triangle framework, high-quality, efficient, and affordable, we explore how choosing two priorities often means letting the third take a backseat for now.

Whether you’re feeling stuck around meals, marriage, movement, or just trying to do it all, this reframe can help you make peace with your tradeoffs and move forward with more clarity and grace.

What You'll Learn

• A simple but powerful framework to help you release guilt around subconsciously trying to do everything well, fast, and affordably
• Why high-achieving women often feel like they’re failing, even when they’re doing everything right
• How to identify your two current priorities and name what’s taking a backseat
• Real-life examples of how this triangle shows up in meals, marriage, and movement
• How to use this lens to make fast, grace-filled decisions without shame

Episode Transcript

This sounds dramatic, but a triangle on a whiteboard kind of changed the way I think about pressure.

We were rolling out a literacy program for over 200 schools, and at one point in the planning process, my boss walked up to a whiteboard and drew a triangle. One each of the three sides, she wrote three words:  high-quality, efficient, affordable.

And she looked at me and said, “You can pick two for each part of this project. That third one? We have to make sacrifices.”

At the time, I nodded like, okay—sure, triangle math. But I’ve come back to that moment so many times. Not just in work meetings, but in life. In parenting. In coaching. In random things like trying to get dinner on the table while a toddler’s melting down and I still haven’t decided if we’re eating leftovers or cereal.

Because this triangle of priorities and sacrifices shows up everywhere.

And most of us—especially high-achieving women and working moms—are walking around trying to hit all three sides. We want things to be thoughtful and meaningful, high-quality. We want them to happen quickly, efficient. And we don’t want to pour too much money or energy or help into making it happen, affordable.

This triangle framework has been a gift to me and my perfectionist brain.

Because when I don’t use it—when I subconsciously expect myself to do all three, all the time—something breaks.

And usually? It’s me.
Or my nervous systems.
Or my confidence.

Because I start thinking that I’m behind. Or I’m not trying hard enough. Or I’m failing at things other people seem to be managing just fine.

But when I bring this into my conscious brain and I use the triangle too—when I name my priorities and choose what I’m willing to let go—something shifts.

Suddenly, the decision I’ve been spinning out on becomes clear.

I realize: Oh. I actually chose quality and efficiency. That’s why this is costing more money—and that’s okay.

Or: I’m keeping it affordable and high-quality… so of course it’s taking longer. That’s not failure. That’s math.

I start to offer myself more grace instead of guilt.

And I start to feel more successful.

So today, we’re going to walk through this triangle and how it shows up in everything from work to dinner to marriage to fitness. And how you can use it to trade feeling like you’re just getting by to feeling like you’re making empowered choices.

Let’s get into it.

SEGMENT 1: DEFINE THE TRIANGLE - TWO PRIORITIES, ONE BACKSEAT (FOR A SEASON)

Okay, so let’s break this down.

In the classic project management world, this triangle is known as the “Iron Triangle” or “Triple Constraint.” And it’s built on this idea: every project competes for three things—quality, speed, and cost. You can get two, but not all three. At least, not without consequences.

Here’s how I’m going to define these concepts in relation to my life as a working mom.

High-Quality: Something thoughtful, meaningful, emotionally aligned. Whether it’s a project, a dinner, or a conversation—this is the “I did it well” feeling.

Efficient: It takes less time, less effort, less cognitive load. It gets done quickly or seamlessly. Minimal dragging or spinning.

Affordable: It doesn’t cost a ton—financially, emotionally, or energetically. It’s low on resources, or doesn’t require a babysitter, extra tools, or four hours of prep.

And I want to restate the key point here:

We usually get two. And the third one is something we have to let go, whether we do it subconsciously or on purpose.

If we want something to be high-quality and efficient? We might be paying more—money, support, or energy.

If we want it to be affordable and well done? It probably takes longer. That might mean time, patience, or a slower pace than our perfectionist brains are used to.

If we want it fast and cheap? Let’s be honest—quality is going to take a hit.

And that’s not a personal failing. It’s just reality.

Where this becomes powerful is when we use the triangle on purpose.

Instead of asking, Why can’t I get this all done perfectly and quickly and without help?—we pause and say, Oh. What are my two priorities here? And what’s the sacrifice I’m willing to accept.

It sounds simple, but most of us have been conditioned to believe we should somehow be able to do all three. That anything less means we’re doing it wrong.

This triangle gives us a way out of that loop. It lets us name the tradeoff instead of resenting it. And that alone can bring so much relief.

This comes up everywhere—and usually when we’re exhausted and wondering why something feels harder than it should. Let’s look at how this actually plays out in real life.

SEGMENT 2: WHY THIS FEELS HARD + EXAMPLES 

I’ll start with the obvious one: work.

Years ago, when we were designing that literacy curriculum, we had huge goals. We wanted it to be thorough and inspiring for teachers. We needed it ready before the start of the school year. And we had a limited budget, because—surprise—it was education.

We wanted high-quality and fast. That meant we were paying in time, in energy, in emotional bandwidth. Nights. Weekends. People pulled from other roles. And if we weren’t clear about that tradeoff, resentment would build fast. That triangle helped us remember: we chose this. And that gave us some power back.

That same triangle? It shows up now in everyday decisions, too:

- Like ordering a last-minute outfit online for a big event. Do I want it fast and affordable? It probably won’t fit quite right. Want it high-quality and flattering? I might need to spend more—or go slow and return things.

- Planning a kid’s birthday party. Do I want it magical and under budget? That means I’m spending time crafting or decorating or coordinating. Want it magical and low-effort? I’m probably outsourcing—and that costs money.

- Even something like figuring out weeknight dinners. If I want them healthy and fast, I’m probably paying in delivery fees or convenience meals. If I want them budget-friendly and nourishing? They’re going to take time.

So let’s walk through this triangle in a few different areas of life in more depth and see what shifts when we start using it as a tool instead of a trap.

SEGMENT 3: THE FITNESS TRIANGLE (WHY YOU KEEP STARTING OVER)

Let’s talk about fitness. Because this is one of those areas where so many of us get stuck in the triangle without realizing it.

Let’s say you’re trying to get back into some kind of movement routine. You want it to:

Be high-quality—meaning it actually supports your body, helps you build strength, gives you energy, doesn’t wreck your joints.

Be efficient—you can do it quickly, maybe during nap time or between meetings.

Be affordable—no gym membership, no personal trainer, no $400 worth of equipment showing up on your doorstep.

If you try to hit all three—quality, efficiency, and affordability—you’ll quickly find yourself scrolling through free YouTube videos at 9pm, trying to decide if 8 minutes of Pilates counts as a full workout or if you should just give up and start fresh on Monday.

Or maybe you pick DO pick two, but you don’t realize it.

You download a free app (affordable) and it only takes 20 minutes (efficient)—but halfway through, your knees hurt and you’re not even sure you’re doing it right. Quality suffers and you feel discouraged.

Or you sign up for a great program that’s actually aligned with your goals (high-quality) and easy to follow in short bursts (efficient)—but now you’re paying $99 a month and you’re wondering if that’s too much.

Or maybe you piece together home workouts from Instagram—they’re free (affordable) and feel legit (high-quality)… but they take a full hour, with warm-up, cooldown, and twenty minutes of someone explaining proper form and you give up because it’s just not efficient, and that matters in this season.

The result in all three scenarios, if your subconscious brain is like mine is that you might start thinking:
I’m just not consistent enough.
Or I need more discipline.
Or Maybe I’m just not a “fitness person” right now.

But none of that is actually true.

You were just inside the triangle—expecting it to do something it can’t do without giving something up.

And again—this doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards.
It just means you get to pick which cost you’re okay with, on purpose.

Maybe this season, the movement that works best for you is affordable and high-quality, and you let go of the idea that it needs to be “efficient,” but you name the time cost—and stop resenting it.

The triangle helps you get out of the shame loop and into strategy.

It doesn’t tell you what to choose.

It just helps you stop pretending the cost should be zero.

SEGMENT 4: THE MARRIAGE TRIANGLE (A.K.A. WHERE DID ALL OUR CONVERSATIONS GO?)

Now let’s talk about marriage—or long-term partnership.

Because this triangle shows up here a lot.

Let’s say you want more connection. You’re craving moments that feel meaningful—not just, “Who’s picking up the dry cleaning?” but real conversation. Playfulness. Affection. A sense that you’re building something together—not just managing logistics.

So you want:

High-quality: Emotional depth, intentional time, feeling seen—not just talking logistics over dishes.

Efficient: You don’t have hours for a weekly check-in and three date nights. You want connection that fits into real life.

Affordable: Babysitters, therapy, weekend getaways? Not in the current budget—or maybe just not in reach right now.

When you try to get all three—deep connection, quick/easy, low-cost—it starts to feel impossible.

And then what creeps in?
The narrative: We’ve drifted.
Or: Maybe we’re just too tired.
Or: I’m the only one who seems to want more.

But if we look at it through the triangle lens?

Maybe we’re actually prioritizing affordability and efficiency—shared meals, kids’ routines, running the household like a business. And we’re quietly mourning the loss of quality—but not naming it as a tradeoff.

Or maybe we’ve been investing in depth and care—maybe we’re in counseling or setting intentional goals—but it’s not efficient. It’s time-consuming. Emotionally messy. And we start to resent the effort, like, Shouldn’t this be easier by now?

Or maybe we sneak in a rare, beautiful night together—a real conversation, uninterrupted—and think, Why don’t we do this more? And the answer is: because it took time, money, and logistical gymnastics to make that night happen.

This triangle isn’t here to diagnose anything. It’s just a way to tell the truth more clearly.

It helps you see: We’re doing the best we can with what we’ve got.
And maybe that little wave of grief or frustration isn’t because you’re broken—it’s because the triangle is real.

So what if you named it together?

What if you said:
“This season, we’re optimizing for efficient and affordable. And we’re letting quality be... simple. Or quiet. Or delayed.”

That’s not settling. That’s seeing clearly.

And maybe naming it—that alone—is what keeps the connection intact.

SEGMENT 5: TAKE ONE ACTION: SKETCH YOUR TRIANGLE

So here’s your one small action for the week:

Pick one area of your life that feels hard right now.
Just one. The place where you’re spinning or second-guessing or feeling that subtle weight of resentment.

It could be:

- That recurring dinner chaos that makes you question your meal planning abilities.

- A work project that’s growing teeth.

- Your relationship, or your fitness routine, or your calendar.

Whatever it is—sketch the triangle.

You don’t need an actual whiteboard, although go for it if that’s your thing. Just mentally—or literally—label the three points:

- High-Quality

- Efficient

- Affordable

Then ask yourself:

- Which two have I been trying to optimize for?

- Which one have I been unconsciously sacrificing?

- And most importantly: Can I name that tradeoff instead of blaming myself for it?

This isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about knowing what you’re choosing—on purpose for this area of your life in this season.

CONCLUSION

So here’s what we’ve done today:

We took this simple little triangle—high-quality, efficient, affordable—and used it to tell the truth about how we’re living. About the invisible math behind our stress. The moments we feel like we’re failing when we’re actually just juggling tradeoffs no one taught us to name.

And now? You have a tool.
Not to be perfect.
But to be clear.

Because when we stop expecting ourselves to do all three, all the time, we get something better than perfection.
We get relief.
We get agency.
We get to feel like a success inside the life we’ve already built.

If you want to take this deeper, here’s a simple reflection prompt to carry with you:

“What am I asking myself to do perfectly right now?
And what’s the triangle telling me about what I’m actually prioritizing?”

Let your answers surprise you. Or soothe you. Or help you forgive yourself a little faster next time.

You’re not failing. You’re just solving for something real.
And now you get to choose your tradeoffs with intention and grace.

That’s it for today. You’ve done enough. You are enough. I’ll see you next time.