Episode 23: Leadership Without Urgency and Grace Without Guilt

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Most women are trying to move through their mornings and evenings with the same expectations, the same mindset, and the same energy, and it’s exhausting. Your body, brain, and emotional capacity are different at the start and end of the day. And you already know how to respond to that difference—for your kids.

In this episode, we look at how your natural parenting instincts, structure and focus in the morning, softness and presence at night, can become a mirror for how to care for yourself. You’ll learn why your nervous system shifts the way it does, how your thoughts follow the same pattern each day, and what it might mean to bring yourself into rhythm with your real life. Not the perfect routine. The one you’re already living.

What You'll Learn

• Why your brain and body shift so dramatically from morning to night
• What cortisol, decision fatigue, and emotional processing have to do with it
• How your parenting instincts can mirror what you need for yourself
• Why your morning thoughts feel urgent and your evening thoughts feel heavy
• A few simple practices to match the rhythm you’re already living

Episode Transcript

Have you ever noticed if or how differently you show up for your kids in the morning vs. the evening?

Morning is: “Let’s go! Where are your shoes? No, not those socks.”

Evening is: “Okay, one more story. No, two more. Fine.”

There’s structure on one end and softness on the other.

Firmness at 7am, patience at 7pm.

Focus, then feeling. Direction, then grace.

And the thing is, this shift we make is not random. It’s not us being inconsistent or failing to stay balanced. It’s a reflection of how our bodies, brains, and nervous systems are designed to move through the day.

In the morning, our energy is naturally sharp. Cortisol spikes to help us wake up and move forward. It’s when the planning part of our brain is most online. By evening, that drive is gone. We’re coming down. The emotional brain is louder, the filter is thinner, and everything feels a little more tender.

We respond to that shift for our kids, usually without even thinking about it.

We adjust. We guide in the morning. We soothe at night.

This all might sound obvious, but do we do the same for ourselves?

This episode is about that question.

What if the same instincts we trust in parenting—morning clarity, nighttime compassion—were the exact cues we needed for self-care, too?

Let’s talk about how the way you parent might be the mirror for how you’re meant to care for yourself.

And how your body might already be showing you the rhythm you’re allowed to follow.

This isn’t about fixing your morning routine or perfecting your bedtime.

It’s about listening. It’s about mothering yourself—at both ends of the day.

Let’s get into it.

SEGMENT 1: WHAT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING IN THE BODY AND BRAIN

So here’s where I want to zoom in—not on your planner or your calendar app, but on your actual body.

Because this contrast you feel—on edge in the morning, unraveling by night?

It’s not just the to-do list. It’s chemistry. It’s rhythm. Your nervous system is working exactly as designed.

In the morning, your cortisol naturally spikes. That’s not a stress response, it’s a wake-up hormone. It’s designed to activate your brain, get your feet on the ground, move you into action.

There’s also more activity in your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that organizes, plans, decides. So, it makes sense that mornings are when you feel most in control... or most under pressure to be in control.

This is why so many of us default to structure and urgency in the morning: we’re biologically primed for it.

But without intention—without even five seconds of checking in with ourselves—that same cortisol spike just turns into reactivity. Barking orders. Mental spinning. Rushing the whole house into the day without a breath.

And then evening hits.

Your energy has dropped. Your executive brain is winding down. The part of you that makes decisions has been working all day and is, frankly, done.

Meanwhile, the emotional brain—your amygdala—is still wide awake. That’s why things feel louder at night.

You remember what you forgot. You get snippy. You cry over a sticky bowl in the sink. And it’s not because you’re a mess. It’s because your body is slowing down, and all the things you powered through earlier are finally catching up.

This is also when the other stuff shows up. Guilt. Overthinking. That low-grade shame hum about how much you did or didn’t get done.

It’s not failure. It’s fatigue.

You’re not doing it wrong.

This is what it means to be a human woman moving through a full day—especially one where you’re responsible for keeping little people alive and managing your own mind.

Your rhythms are not broken. They’re intelligent. They’re showing you exactly what you need—if you’re willing to listen.

SEGMENT 2: THE PARENTING MIRROR

So here’s the part that really stopped me the other day.

I was watching the way I was showing up for my kids. Not in some big, intentional way—but in the small, automatic moments. The in-between moments.

In the morning, I’m giving direction. I’m setting the tone.

“Okay, let’s get shoes on. Yes, you can wear the sparkly socks. Where’s your water bottle?”

I’m anticipating needs. Managing transitions. Moving the energy forward.

And then at night, everything changes.

“Okay, take a breath. I’ll sit here for a minute. Do you want the night light on?”

It’s not about movement anymore. It’s about comfort. It’s about exhale.

I instinctively offer structure in the morning and space in the evening as a mom.

And then it hit me: What if that same instinct applies to me, too?

What if the way I mother them is the same way I need to mother myself?

In the morning, I don’t expect my kids to “figure it out” on their own. I guide them. I give them language. I set them up for the day. I give them what they need before they know how to ask for it.

And yet, I often expect myself to spring out of bed and go straight into high-functioning mode without a breath, without grounding, without a single kind word.

What would it look like to bring that same steady leadership inward?

To say:

“Let’s take a breath.”

“This is what we’re focusing on first.”

“You don’t need to do it all at once.”

In the evening, I don’t expect my kids to be efficient or upbeat. I expect them to fall apart a little. That’s part of the rhythm. I meet their emotions without fixing them. I lower the lights. I hold space. I let them be tired.

And yet, I often treat myself like I should be just as productive, just as regulated, just as motivated as I was ten hours ago.

What would it look like to offer myself the same end-of-day grace?

To say:

“It’s okay that you’re tired.”

“You don’t have to earn rest.”

“You did enough for today.”

These parenting instincts aren’t just strategies for our kids.

They are deeply wise responses to the rhythm of the day. And they are just as relevant to us.

The truth is: you already know how to support someone through a day’s arc.

You already do it—every day.

The question is: Are you willing to be that kind of presence for yourself, too?

SEGMENT 3: WHAT OUR THOUGHTS ARE DOING

When you use The Model as often as I do, you start to catch how your thoughts shift in very specific patterns—especially at the bookends of the day.

And once you see it, it’s hard to unsee it.

Morning thoughts often sound like:

“I’m already behind.”

“There’s too much to do.”

“I need to start strong.”

And while those might seem like helpful thoughts—motivating, even—they usually produce a feeling more like pressure than momentum.

From pressure, we don’t move intentionally. We hustle. We push. We micromanage. We overfunction.

And then we wonder why we feel burnt out before 9am.

Let’s plug that into the Model:

C: It’s 7:14am.

T: I’m already behind.

F: Pressured

A: Rushing. Snapping at the kids. Forgetting things. Rewriting the to-do list 3 times.

R: I create the experience of falling behind.

Even though the only real circumstance is that the day just started.

And then come the evening thoughts:

“I didn’t get enough done.”

“I should’ve handled that better.”

“I still haven’t figured this out.”

Those don’t lead to insight. They lead to shame. And from shame, most of us buffer—scrolling, snacking, spiraling—or we go quiet and beat ourselves up in our heads.

Another Model:

C: It’s 8:56pm.

T: I didn’t do enough today.

F: Defeated

A: Mentally reviewing the day. Criticizing. Withdrawing.

R: I make it harder to acknowledge what I did do.

It’s subtle—but so predictable. We shape the entire tone of our day with a few default thoughts. And we pass those same expectations down to ourselves every single morning and night.

Now imagine shifting the thought—just a few degrees.

In the morning:

From “I’m already behind”

→ to “Let’s just begin with what matters most.”

You’re not pretending you have hours of free time. You’re simply offering your brain a focus anchor.

One clear place to start.

In the evening:

From “I didn’t do enough”

→ to “I met my limits, and that’s allowed.”

That thought is not permission to opt out of your life.

It’s permission to be human inside of it.

The point here is not to find the perfect affirmation.

It’s to gently question:

“Is this thought actually helping me care for myself right now?”

If it’s not—can I offer myself one that does?

Just like I would if I were talking to my child.

Just like I already know how to do.

SEGMENT 4: SMALL PRACTICES TO MATCH THE RHYTHM

We don’t need more “perfect morning routines.” We don’t need sleep hacks or a 10-step wind-down checklist.

What we need—especially as women, especially as mothers—is to bring more intentionality to how we’re already moving through the day.

To stop expecting ourselves to show up the same way at 7am and 7pm, and instead, work with the rhythm that’s already happening.

So let’s talk about what that might actually look like in real life.

MORNING: BEGIN WITH STRUCTURE + SELF-LEADERSHIP

You’re already in motion. The goal is not to stop the momentum—it’s to direct it.

Here’s what might help:

A 1-minute pause before the house wakes up. Even if it’s just hand on heart, or breath in the kitchen light.

A grounding question:

“What energy do I want to bring into the next hour?”

A micro-decision ritual:

Choose your “first thing”—not five. One intention, one next step.

This isn’t your whole day plan. This is your anchor.

A morning mantra you’d offer a child:

“We’re not rushing. We’re beginning.”

Because often what we call “rush” is just scattered thought energy.

You don’t need to slow down to a crawl. You just need a starting point that includes you.

EVENING: END WITH REGULATION + GRACE

By night, you are unraveling. Not in a bad way—in a true way. The body is downshifting. The emotions are surfacing. This is the part where presence matters more than performance.

Try this:

One small “turn-down” ritual for yourself—just like you would do for your child.

Not because it’s cute. Because it signals: you are allowed to soften.

Put the phone down one beat earlier.

Change into softer clothes.

Light a candle while brushing your teeth.

Say the words out loud: “You did enough today.”

A gentle check-in:

What am I feeling right now, without fixing it?

If the answer is: sad, disappointed, worn out? That’s okay. That’s data. That’s not a problem to solve before sleep.

A release prompt (write it or speak it):

“Here’s what I carried.”

“Here’s what I’m releasing.”

“Here’s what I forgive myself for tonight.”

End the day in relationship with yourself—not in review.

You already know how to do this for your family. Now it’s about remembering to do it for you, too.

And if you want support applying this in real time—

If you want to stop just thinking about the ideas from the podcast and start living them—

I’d love to invite you into my coaching program.

Every week, I teach a full training on how to apply the work from the podcast in your actual life—your mornings, your evenings, your relationships, your career. And then we coach through what comes up.

Together.

We’re not just talking about change—we’re doing it.

We’re gaining awareness, allowing our feelings, questioning old stories, and moving forward toward big, aligned goals.

Not from pressure. Not from hustle.

From clarity. From truth. From who we actually are.

If you want support, structure, and a warm, honest community to walk this out with you—we’re here.