Episode 24: Too Fast, Too Slow: Making Peace with Time

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Today’s episode is about that strange paradox we all feel at some point: wanting time to slow down and speed up all at once. This morning, as I dropped off my youngest for her very first day of kindergarten, I felt both: the grief of how quickly she’s growing and the longing for six months from now when life in California feels more settled. If you’ve ever wanted to savor the moment and rush to the next chapter at the same time, this episode is for you.

What You'll Learn

• Why it makes perfect sense to want time to both slow down and speed up
• How grief and impatience are signals, not problems, and what they’re really telling you
• What neuroscience and cognitive dissonance reveal about our relationship with time
• How to shift from arguing with time to partnering with it, using small, believable mindset shifts
• Two practical ways to honor what matters: by savoring what’s here and taking one step toward what’s next

Episode Transcript

Today was my daughters’ first day of school. For my youngest — my last baby — it was her very first day of kindergarten. And I’ve spent the past hour looking at pictures of them in their little backpacks, sending them to family and friends, and just feeling that ache of how did we get here so fast?

And at the very same time, while I was standing there at drop-off, I caught myself longing for six months from now, when I feel more settled, when I know the other moms better, when California feels more like home.

It’s such a strange thing, isn’t it? To want time to slow down and speed up all at once. To want to savor the sweetness of this exact moment and also fast-forward to the part where things feel easier, clearer, more familiar.

This is what psychologists call cognitive dissonance, holding two opposite beliefs at the same time. And when it comes to time, it shows up everywhere. In parenting, in work, in everyday life.

So in today’s episode, we’re going to explore why this tension makes so much sense, what grief and impatience are really trying to tell us, and how we can meet time as it is without missing our actual lives in the middle.

STEP 1: CREATE AWARENESS

So let’s start by just noticing what’s really happening. Because time itself is neutral. A minute is always a minute. An hour is always an hour. But our experience of time, that’s where it gets slippery.

To make this more clear, let’s run two models.

Model One: Time feels too fast.

The circumstance is simply: time is passing.

The thought is: “It’s slipping away. I don’t have enough of it.”

That thought creates anxiety, urgency, even grief.

Think about watching your kids grow. One day you’re zipping up their little footie pajamas, and the next they’re almost taller than you. The thought sneaks in: “It’s all going too fast.” You want to hold on, to slow it down.

And from there, the actions follow…you over-schedule family photos, you cling to memories, you resist the reality that they’re growing up.

The result? You miss the actual moment you’re so desperate to hold onto, because you’re so busy worrying it’s slipping away.

Model Two: Time feels too slow.

Again, the circumstance is the same: time is passing.

But the thought shifts: “This is dragging on forever. I just want to get to the next part.”

That thought creates impatience and restlessness.

Think about waiting for your next career milestone, a promotion, a raise, a certain level of financial security. You tell yourself, “Life will be better once I get there.”

And what happens? You distract yourself, you buffer, you rush through tasks just to check them off.

And the result is that the moment feels even heavier, because you’re resisting it so hard.

So whether we’re clutching the sweetness of what we don’t want to lose, or trying to fast-forward through what feels uncomfortable, the result is the same: we miss what’s here.

STEP 2: ALLOW YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

Once we’ve noticed these two models—time feeling too fast, or time feeling too slow—the next step is to allow what’s true in both of them.

On the too fast side, the emotional truth is grief. That ache of “I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to miss this.”

Think about your kids. You catch a glimpse of them in a photo and suddenly they look older, more grown-up than you realized. Or you zip up their very last pair of footie pajamas, and you feel that tug in your chest. Grief rises because it matters. Their childhood matters. These little everyday moments matter. Grief is simply love with nowhere to land. Of course your brain wants to slow time down.

On the too slow side, the emotional truth is impatience. That restless energy of “I just want to get there already.”

Think about waiting for a career milestone—a raise, a promotion, or simply that point when money finally feels easier. You’ve worked hard, you’ve put in the effort, and yet the payoff feels far away. Impatience shows up because the future matters to you. It’s your brain saying, “I see the gap between here and there, and I want to close it.”

Here’s where emotional literacy helps us. Grief and impatience aren’t flaws. They’re signals.

Grief says: This moment matters.

Impatience says: The future matters too.

And here’s what we can do with those signals.

To honor grief, you don’t have to stretch the clock—you just have to pause long enough to notice what’s here. Take the extra breath when your child leans against you. Write down the funny phrase they said. Snap the photo you’ll be glad you kept. Grief is an invitation to presence.

To honor impatience, you don’t have to shame yourself for wanting more. You can feel it in your body—the buzzing, the restlessness—and notice, this is just energy telling me something matters to me. You can channel that energy into clarifying your vision, breaking the big goal into smaller steps, or simply naming out loud: “Yes, I wish I were further along.” That honesty in itself is a release.

Now, I want to name how social conditioning often makes this harder. Especially for high-achieving women, there’s a pressure to “enjoy every moment” and “be grateful for what you have.” Which means when grief rises, we can feel guilty—like we’re not grateful enough. And when impatience rises, we can feel ashamed—like we’re too ambitious or ungrateful for the present. But you’re not failing at presence or gratitude. You’re just human.

So when you notice grief that time is slipping away, or impatience that time won’t move fast enough—that’s not evidence something’s wrong with you. It’s evidence that you care deeply about both your now and your next.

STEP 3: ANALYZE YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

So now that we’ve named grief and impatience as real signals, let’s analyze what’s happening underneath.

This is where neuroscience and coaching tools come together.

Our brains are wired with what psychologists call temporal bias. We constantly scan both backward and forward in time. Part of the brain is wired to hold on to what we don’t want to lose — that’s why we feel grief when our kids grow up or when a beautiful season is passing. Another part is wired to anticipate what might be better in the future — that’s why we feel restless waiting for a promotion or the next milestone.

Both of these biases are survival-based. Our ancestors needed to remember what mattered in the past and anticipate what might come next. So it’s not surprising that today, even in ordinary life, we sometimes feel caught between “slow down” and “hurry up.”

This is also a textbook case of cognitive dissonance. It’s when the mind holds two opposing beliefs at the same time. In this case:

“I don’t want this moment to end.”

“I can’t wait for this moment to be over.”

No wonder it feels uncomfortable…those thoughts are pulling you in opposite directions.

And here’s where The Model helps us see clearly:

The circumstance is neutral: time is passing.

The thoughts — “it’s going too fast” or “it’s dragging on” — create two different emotional realities.

The feelings that come, grief or impatience, then drive all our actions, and ultimately shape our results.

What’s powerful about seeing this is that time itself isn’t the problem. A day is always 24 hours. What creates the rush or the drag is our thinking.

And when you notice your brain offering you both thoughts at once, too fast, too slow, you can soften, knowing: Oh, this is just dissonance. Nothing has gone wrong here. This is my brain doing its job.

STEP 4: ALIGN TO WHAT YOU WANT 

So once we’ve noticed the dissonance and given ourselves permission to feel both grief and impatience, the question becomes: how do we want to relate to time?

Because here’s the truth: time is going to keep moving. We don’t get to slow it down, and we don’t get to fast-forward it. What we do get to do is choose how we meet it.

One powerful shift is to move from arguing with time to partnering with it. Instead of “it’s too fast” or “it’s too slow,” try:

“Time is moving at the exact pace it’s supposed to, and I can meet it here.”

Or even: “This is the right pace for this season, even if my feelings disagree.”

And let’s put this into our real-life examples.

When you feel that pang of grief as your child suddenly seems older — they’re reading on their own, or no longer reaching for your hand in public, instead of spiraling into “It’s slipping away,” you might practice: “Because it matters, I can choose to savor it.” That might look like snapping the photo, writing down the funny thing they said, or simply taking an extra deep breath to really see them in that moment.

On the flip side, when impatience rises in your career — maybe you’ve been waiting for that promotion or raise and the process feels endless, instead of spinning in “I just want to get there already,” you might try: “Wanting more is part of growth, and I can take one small step today.” That could mean updating your portfolio, reaching out for mentorship, or simply acknowledging that your desire is valid, without rushing past the present.

Notice how both shifts are small, believable, and rooted in the moment you’re in. You’re not denying grief or impatience. You’re just meeting time as it is — and yourself as you are — without demanding it all feel different.

And here’s the deeper piece: you get to decide who you want to be in relation to time. Do you want to be the person who clutches and resists? The person who races and rushes? Or the person who partners with time, letting both now and next matter at once?

That identity is available in every season, in every moment.

STEP 5: TAKE ONE ACTION

So how do we practice this in real life? How do we move from noticing the paradox to actually living with it more gently?

Here are two simple actions you can try:

If you’re feeling grief that time is moving too fast — pick one small thing to savor on purpose today. When your child laughs, or when you’re sharing a meal, pause for just five extra seconds. Let yourself breathe it in. Maybe jot it down at the end of the day. It doesn’t freeze time, but it honors that the moment matters.

If you’re feeling impatience that time is moving too slow — pick one tiny step toward what you’re waiting for. If it’s a career milestone, maybe that means updating your resume, sending one email, or brainstorming a new idea. And if no action is available today, the practice might simply be sitting with the energy of impatience and telling yourself: “This feeling means I care. And I can hold that without rushing.”

One moment of savoring. One small step or pause. That’s it.

And here’s your reflection prompt: “If I fully trusted the pace of time, how would I show up differently today?” Write for five minutes, or just hold the question in your mind as you go about your day.

The goal isn’t to erase grief or impatience. It’s to meet them as signals — invitations — and let them guide you back into presence.

CONCLUSION

So today we named that paradox so many of us live with: wanting time to slow down and speed up all at once.

For me, it showed up this morning at school drop-off…watching my youngest walk into kindergarten and feeling that sharp pang of how did we get here so quickly? And in the same breath, longing for six months from now when I feel more settled in California, when I know the other moms, when this new life feels like home.

Grief rises when life feels too fast because what’s here matters to us. And impatience rises when life feels too slow…because the future matters too. Both are signals of care, not flaws to fix.

And when we can see our thoughts clearly through The Model, through inquiry — we remember it’s never time itself, but the story we tell about time, that creates suffering. That’s where we have choice.

So as you move through this week, notice when your mind whispers “too fast” or “too slow.” Instead of resisting, you can say: “This is just my human brain. Both now and next matter. And I can meet time right here.”

Because you don’t need to change the pace of time to live fully in it. You just need to meet it — with presence, with compassion, and with choice.