Episode 8: I Will Be Happy When...

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Ever told yourself, “I’ll finally chill once I snag that promotion, once the kids stay asleep past 5 a.m., once the scale moves down a notch”—only to move the goalpost again? Same. In this episode we get real about why our brains love that hamster wheel and how to hop off without losing ambition.

We’ll break down the science, try a super simple “Already” exercise, and build a vision board that actually works. You’ll leave knowing how to create a little breathing room today…no perfect bedtime routine (or perfect body) required. Join me on my actual journey to swap the hustle for quiet confidence.

What You'll Learn

• How to spot the hidden thought (security, worthiness, connection) tucked under every big goal and why it keeps you chasing the “next thing.”
• What dopamine, negativity bias, and Brooke Castillo’s 50/50 rule have to do with never‑ending finish lines.
• A three‑step “already” exercise that helps you find proof you can feel successful, connected, and worthy right now.
• A quick way to narrow down your focus to one or two goals so your energy feels clear and sustainable instead of scattered.
• A five‑minute vision‑board ritual (template in the show notes!) that trains your brain to notice opportunities instead of just gaps.

Episode Transcript

Picture this: I’m standing in my gorgeous kitchen—coffee brewing, laptop open for quick client check‑ins. The kids are dressed, fed, teeth brushed, and coloring. Everything looks pretty ideal. Yet underneath it all, my brain pipes up: “Once you launch your app…once Sawyer stops staging nightly potty protests…once you get to the gym regularly…then you can exhale.”

That low‑volume narrative…I’ll be happy when…is exactly what we’re unpacking today. Over the next few minutes, we’ll explore why high‑achievers sometimes never feel like they can reach the finish line, how urgency sneaks in and steals the joy of what’s already working, and where the sane middle ground lives between complacency and relentless striving.

I’ll share how I have slipped into a “gratitude on paper, scarcity in practice” spiral and the mindset pivot that is bringing the pressure down without dimming my ambition and passion for growth. We’ll talk about life’s unavoidable 50/50 emotional mix and why rooting yourself in present sufficiency fuels steadier growth than white‑knuckle chasing ever will.

By the end, you’ll know how to want from genuine desire instead of lack, focus on one or two goals that truly matter, and wake up tomorrow already breathing easier, no perfect potty routine or app launch required. So if you’re ready to dial down the urgency and step into a quieter confidence with me, let’s get started.

SEGMENT 1: CREATE SELF-AWARENESS

Think for a moment about the thing you’re fixated on right now. Maybe it’s a bigger title at work, a calmer bedtime routine, or a number you want to see on the scale. Now ask yourself, “When that finally happens, what will I get to think about myself?” Will it be “I’m secure, I’m a present mom, I’m worthy?” The thought you imagine is the real prize, not the circumstance itself.

Right now, I am catching my own brain red‑handed in the “I will be happy when…” loop. On paper my life checks every box: I run a thriving coaching practice, I live in a dream house that I literally pinned on a vision board, and I have a husband and two hilarious girls who keep life delightfully chaotic. Even my clothes fit the way they used to before babies. Yet my inner soundtrack whispers a different story. It sounds like:

“Sure, business is good, but there’s so much you want to do yet.”

“Yes, your partner has stepped up in ways you thought impossible, but we still have so much to work through.”

“The girls are happy, but Sawyer’s potty drama is still a daily cliff‑hanger.”

“Your weight feels natural, but your push‑up game has tanked.”

Every celebration comes with a back‑handed “but,” and I realized I’d been calling it gratitude while binging on lack.

This realization has revealed another sneaky pattern: urgency. The moment my brain points out a gap, it wants to fix everything right now. That rush is over‑attachment dressed up as ambition. It fuels decision paralysis, which makes every win feel too small and keeps my perfectionist shame bubbling just under the surface.

Luckily, I’m not afraid of this kind of spotlight on my brain, and I’ve got the tools to work through it that have worked many times before. So I’m choosing a new approach: wanting from sufficiency instead of scarcity. First, I’m naming the deeper thought hiding behind each goal.

Why do I really want to launch my app? Because then I’m telling myself I get to believe that my work is truly accessible and impactful and I get to feel successful. 

Why do I really want Sawyer to conquer the potty? So that I can feel like a competent, patient mom and feel peaceful.

Why do I really want to regain my push-up strength? It’s so that I get to believe my body is powerful and resilient and I get to feel worthy.

With the real desires on the table, impact, competence, strength, I ask, “Could even a slice of those beliefs be true today?”

For example, I am asking myself:

How is it true that I’m already making the coaching tools that have helped me so much accessible and impactful? How am I already successful?

How is it already true that I’m a competent, patient mom? How am I already at peace?

How is it already true that my body is powerful and resilient? How am I already worthy, in this particular body?

I’m inviting you to run the same mini‑experiment this week. Jot down one area you’re genuinely grateful for, then notice the first “but” that sneaks in. Swap the “but” for an “and”: For example, “I’m proud of my career and I’m excited to develop the next idea.”  When urgency spikes, place a hand on your heart, take three slow breaths, and ask how it’s already true, in whatever small way, that you are doing the thing you want to do, being the person you want to be, and can feel how you want to feel right now, without changing a thing.

SEGMENT 2: ALLOW YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

But here’s the thing about the human brain: You can tick every goal on that vision board and your brain will still deliver a mixed playlist that includes about half uplifting bops, half moody ballads. One of my mentors, Brooke Castillo, calls it the 50/50 rule: No matter how glossy life gets, roughly half of your emotional landscape will feel uncomfortable. Promotion day? Pride and anxiety. Perfect vacation? Awe and wonder but also the inevitable “Are the kids fighting again?” moments. Your brain and its negativity bias comes with you wherever you go, regardless of how many circumstances you change to your liking in pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. Might as well get to work your brain.

Neuroscience backs this up. Thanks to hedonic adaptation, the dopamine spike from a win quickly settles back to baseline; the limbic system then scans for the next potential threat. If we expect unbroken happiness, normal dips feel like glitches instead of data. The goal isn’t to delete the tough half; it’s to recognize it as the price of having a full, vibrant human experience.

So when you have a quiet moment, grab a notebook and list the circumstances you think will finally “do the trick”...the raise, the organized mudroom, the number on the scale. Next to each, write the feeling you expect to feel when you have changed your circumstance: successful, relaxed, confident, free. Then, once you can see the feelings you want, which are always the end goal, ask, “What would I be thinking about myself in that circumstance that creates that feeling I’m craving?” Maybe it’s “I provide massive value, or “our home is calm and welcoming,” or even “I’m beautiful.” Those thoughts—not the paycheck, the bins, or how your pants fit, generate the emotion you want. Our thoughts create our feelings, not our circumstances. 

Imagine slipping into those beliefs today, the way you’d break in new running shoes before race day. Let the thoughts hum in the background while you work or fold laundry. Notice how even a 10 percent boost in that desired feeling changes the way you tackle tasks, maintain your household, or speak to yourself when you’re looking in the mirror. You’re proving to your nervous system that safety and satisfaction can exist before the milestone. You and your brain are the magic. Not the situations you’re in.

And then when frustration, boredom, or self‑doubt pop in, and they absolutely will, greet them like rain on a picnic: mildly inconvenient, not personal. A predictable bummer that you know how to deal with. A quick check‑in and this reframe helps: “Oh hey, this is the half that reminds me I’m alive and growing. I’m in the 50/50 emotional experience that will show up no matter how many goals I accomplish.”  Take three slow breaths. This is not moral failure; it’s just weather.

SEGMENT 3: ANALYZE YOUR HUMAN EXPERIENCE

Now, let’s put our limiting belief under a microscope: “I will be happy when ___[blank].” Fill in your blank. Is it a bigger salary, calmer mornings, visible abs? Now ask, “Is that statement 100 percent factual…will I be happy then? Or is it a prediction that my brain keeps recycling?” The quickest way to help your brain make this connection is to audit your own history. Think back to a milestone you once chased: the promotion you landed, the half‑marathon medal, the first night your toddler finally slept through. Remember that electric thrill? Now remember how fast it faded, hours, days, maybe a week, before the next target popped into view.

Neuroscience calls this the progress principle paired with the reward‑prediction error. Your brain releases a hit of dopamine when effort meets reward, but once the outcome matches the prediction, the spike drops back to baseline. Translation: the moment the trophy sits on the shelf, your brain quietly asks, “What’s next?” That’s fantastic for survival and innovation, but it’s terrible for lasting satisfaction if we don’t intervene.

Here’s the pivot. Instead of letting your mind rush past the win, deliberately gather proof that pieces of your “happiness recipe” already exist today. Maybe you’re not in the C‑suite yet, but you are trusted for major presentations. Maybe bedtime isn’t bliss, yet you still read four pages of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory with genuine presence. These micro‑moments are not consolation prizes; they’re evidence that the feeling you crave is already available to you, right now.

So let’s do what I call the “already” exercise:

Step 1: List your future‑happy circumstances. For each, write the core feeling you expect—security, connection, worthiness.

 Step 2: Turn the lens to now. Ask, “How is this feeling already present, even at 5 percent?” Jot every scrap of evidence.

 Step 3: Amplify it on purpose. When you spot real‑time proof, for example, your boss praising your judgment or your partner texting thanks for dinner, pause three seconds and mentally label it: “This is security. This is connection.” You’re teaching your neural pathways to linger where good feelings actually live.

When a client tells me, “I blinked and the last five years disappeared,” it’s rarely because she lacked accomplishments; it’s because her brain sped past them. By anchoring to what is already true, you give your nervous system permission to relax into presence. You still set bold goals, but you’re no longer giving up today’s contentment for a feeling you only think you can experience in the future.

SEGMENT 4: ALIGN TO WHAT YOU WANT

Ok, so now it’s time to align your actions with your new awareness and acceptance of reality. Picture yourself as the curator of a spacious art gallery. Every “someday” desire, the title, the backyard pool, the debt‑free spreadsheet…whatever it is for you. Imagine these all hanging on a white wall, perfectly lit. Walk your gallery and make a note of everything you want hanging on those walls. Give every dream permission to exist on paper without judging size, money, or timeline. This isn’t a to‑do list; it’s like a museum of possibilities.

Now bring your human brain into the mix. Your working memory can comfortably juggle about four chunks of information before quality plummets. When we chase ten goals at once, the prefrontal cortex starts to triage, and everything gets watered down. Pick one, maybe two, pieces from your gallery to feature in a “spotlight exhibit” for the next three to six months. The rest aren’t trashed—they’re simply stored in climate‑controlled perfection until their season arrives. Choosing less isn’t quitting; it’s strategic conservation of neural bandwidth.

For example, right now I have pictures of my specific career goals and my kids’ happy faces on my walls. Maybe my husband and I will focus on date nights; maybe we won’t. Maybe I’ll get to the gym; maybe I won’t. 

As you narrow the spotlight down to one or two priorities, invite this thought into your mind: “How is it possible that I can be happy right now in this area, without changing anything?” Notice it doesn’t scold ambition; it just loosens the anxious grip. Ask your brain for evidence. For example, maybe for me it’s the thrill of drafting a LinkedIn post that feels authentic or a belly laugh during bath‑time chaos. These small proofs accumulate, kind of whispering that fulfillment is already available in micro‑sips.

As evidence piles up, let this sentence root a little bit deeper. Challenge yourself and see to what extent your body can react positively to the thought: “I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.” From this grounded place, growth can start to feel like exploration of something you want, not an escape from something that’s not good enough yet.

SEGMENT 5: TAKE AN INCREMENTAL ACTION STEP

And now onto our final step. Something more tangible you can do with your visualization if you want to. Brains love pictures. When you gather images that represent what you want, you engage the visual cortex and prime your reticular activating system, which is the filter that decides which cues in the world deserve attention. In plain English: pin some images, and your mind starts spotting real‑life opportunities. I think you see where we’re going with this. I’m prompting you to make a vision board.

Here’s a five-step process you can use:

Step 1: Collect: Scroll online for images of photos that evoke the feeling behind your spotlight goals, like confidence, success, security, and ease. Don’t overthink it; just grab what sparks a tiny yes in your body. I kid you not, I’m living in the house I randomly grabbed from google a year ago.

 Step 2: Curate: In a google doc or slide…feel free to use the digital template linked in the show notes…arrange 6–10 images. I like to have three career images, three relationship images, and three personal health images. No need to overdo it. White space is your friend; it tells your brain, “There’s room for more good things.”

 Step 3: Caption: For each image, type one “already” sentence: Maybe “I’m a calm, strategic leader” or “our home is a sanctuary.” We’re working at the mindset level, so make those beliefs clear to your brain.

 Step 4: Place: Hang the board where you’ll see it daily, inside a closet door, by your desk, or set it as your laptop wallpaper. Repetition is free neural training.

 Step 5: Pause: Each morning, spend thirty seconds scanning the board. Let your body register the feelings—confidence, connection, freedom—before you open your email. This micro‑ritual cues dopamine and steadies your nervous system for the day. You start from a place of worthiness instead of trying to prove yourself all day.

If you want to really take this training to heart, look at your board and circle the one or two images that light you up right now. Those become your 90‑day projects. Everything else stays on the board, planted seeds that your subconscious can work on in the background.

If this process resonates and you want deeper guidance, the downloadable vision‑board template is waiting in the show notes. Inside my Choose Better Thoughts Coaching Program, we turn those images into customized action maps and accountability that sticks.

Your future is already peeking through the collage. All you have to do is keep looking long enough for your brain to catch up. I’m cheering for you!